Free
by xxBTGXX
Summary: Today is different. She doesn't know why, it just is. It's time to be free.


It happens every now and then. He looks directly at me and his eyes fill with such hatred, disgust and madness it sends shivers down my spine as I back away, but he's so strong. His hands grip whatever is closest to him, he shakes his head back and forth, fighting images I can't even imagine he's seeing. He gains control long enough to look at and say between clenched teeth, "Get away." And I obey him. I go calmly, but quickly to the door, locking it behind me. I run to the woods, feeling my throat tightening as I hear crashes inside the house. I run as far as necessary and then collapse against a sturdy tree, breathing as though I'm being strangled because I feel like I am. Fear as tangible as blood fills my veins, the fear that maybe this time it will be permanent and he'll never come back to me. Dread fills my entire body at this thought and I try to imagine my life without him. There would be nothing, no one to save me from the nightmares that cause me to scream until my throat goes hoarse; no one to bring whatever light is left in this hell. If he were gone, I wouldn't be able to live. I know that.

Tears freeze on my cheeks as I sit out there, waiting, praying, pleading and then he's there. His face flushed from the outburst, but his eyes clear and that beautiful blue that held the only beauty left in life. He comes to me and I feel my hands shaking as they reach out to grasp him. His arms hold me tightly; his face in my hair and lips at my ear, whispering over and over, "it's okay." I try to keep from clinging to him, but I never want to let go. Fortunately for me, neither does he. He holds me closer; rocking back and forth on the cold, frozen ground and strokes my hair with one hand. And I say the same thing over and over, each time, trying to drown out the dread and horrible, choking fear.

"You'll stay with me, real or not real?" And he'll always answer back in a gentle whisper and a press of his warm lips to my temple.

"Real. Always."

I'd lean and kiss him then, his lips soft and gentle as he caresses my cheek and returns my kiss. And then we'd return slowly, arms still around each other, back to the life we try to rebuild.

Except for today. Today was different. He was baking and I was sitting at the table, reading our family book. It is the crash of a jar being dropped that makes me leap to my feet and I see Peeta shaking. My stomach instantly feels nauseous as he turns to look at me. His eyes are gone. They are clouded and delirious; the eyes the Capitol condemned him to. I watch, muscles tense, as his eyes battle themselves back and forth. He remains himself long enough to say 'go' through clenched teeth. But today was different and I stood still, only a few feet from him. His eyes still fight each other for dominance, his body still convulsing frighteningly. I take a step forward and he grunts, trying to take a step back, but there's nowhere to go. He bumps into the stove, slowly shaking his head back and forth. I take another step, then another, when I have to duck as he throws a wooden spoon at me. He's panting now, his eyes wild.

"Peeta." I don't say it gently, or firmly. I don't say it confidently, or fearfully. I just say it. I take another step forward and he flinches away from me, torturing himself to try and keep me safe, as he always has done. I raise my hands and cautiously place them on either side of his face. He instantly reaches and grabs my neck. I hold back the choke, but to my amazement, fear is nowhere inside me. His eyes bore into mine, not is own, and his fingers tighten on my throat. I instantly knew what to say. Words I'd never told him, but had been written on my heart for a long time now. I struggle to get them out from the pressure of his hands constricting my throat, but they come out.

"Peeta… I love you." His hands freeze and his eyes go a bit wide as I gently rub my thumbs over his cheeks. I give him the best smile I can and feel the fingers on my neck loosen a little and I breathe easier. "I'm sorry it took me so long for me to say it… I love you, Peeta." I hold perfectly still as his strong hands slowly release my neck.

"Kat…Katniss?" The whirl of relief that hits me almost brings me to my knees. The voice was his, he was red, breathing hard and shaking slightly, but he was him. His eyes look exhausted and weary as he looks at me. I still have his face between my hands and he slowly reaches, placing one of his over mine and turning his face into it, breathing deeply. Before I can hold myself back, I throw my arms around him and hold him tightly.

"I love you." He whispers and I bury my face in his shoulder, "I love you."

And finally I can say it back, without a feeling of sorrow or guilt. I pull back and press my lips warmly to his and he holds me closer. I pull away, but rest my forehead against his and whisper back.

"I love you, too."

He kisses me again and when he pulls away he looks stunned. He shakes his head slowly and raises his hands to his face.

"How…" he began, but can't finish. His eyes meet mine. "How did…?" I have no answer and I only shrug, smiling at how his stupefied expression makes him look. He places a hand on my braid, feeling it between his fingers and calling himself fully to reality. He blinks and looks deep into my eyes.

"You just told me you love me… real or not real?"

I shake my head at his silliness, but lean and capture his lips to mine, curling my hand around the back of his neck. I pull back and press my forehead to his. His eyes close as I whisper,

"Real."


End file.
